"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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