so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
