today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
