You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
