the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
