i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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