come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
