You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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