frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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