dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
