apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
