you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
