Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
