i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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