it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
