I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
