no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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