i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
