And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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