Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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