Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
