508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
