The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I want to be your penis for a week.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
