i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
