All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
