You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
