I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
