it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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