We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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