Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
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also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
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we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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