her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
