The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
