every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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