the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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