I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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