Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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