weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
