Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
