I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
