your parents love me but you hate me
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
