no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
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I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize