someone threw a dead crab at me
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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