Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
