do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
