My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
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You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
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So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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