I puked a lego.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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