Jerry, you need to find god
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
