I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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