Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
