Can Purell be used as lube?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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