that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
