Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
