oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
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