The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
