I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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