hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
