omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just pee around me
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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