I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
