After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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