Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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