I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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