Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
