If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Pants are for mortals
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
