The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
