I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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