I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
