She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
did you just send me my own nude
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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