Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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