R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
