I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
