look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
