I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
